Please make this stop!

Gabby keeps giving me ideas of what I should write on my blog, and I keep forgetting. Today, I remembered one of them. It was going to be a gripe-session on cell phone usage in movie theaters, but I am going to make it about all the things people do in movie theaters that bother me.

First and most annoying, cell phone usage. People: it’s great you have a cell phone, we are all very happy for you; but please take notice that everyone else around you also has a cell phone. You are not cool, better than anyone else or subject to special cell phone usage privileges. And there is no excuse for texting, talking on your phone, pulling your phone out, your phone ringing (not silenced), or any other activity that involves your cell phone during a movie. If you are that important that you can’t not look at or touch your cell phone for two hours, then perhaps you should not be at the movie theater. If you are a doctor and your phone goes off, please step out of the theater to answer your phone. The rest of you: put your phones away and don’t pull them out. If you have a babysitter at home with your kids and you are worried about them, maybe you should be at home with your kids. If you want to come to the movies, fine, but I don’t want to see you answering your phone. You run out to the hall and answer it out there.

I have yelled at people in movie theaters for using their cell phones. It’s usually when it is extremely annoying. I yelled at two girls who sat on the same row as Gabby and I in a nearly empty movie theater because one of them answered her phone. I believe there were annoyed looks and groans before I finally said, “Get off your cell phone.” Her friend then turned her back to us as if to shield her from us. I can still hear you talking and see the light from your phone. Put it away! A movie theater is a very dark place and you shielding your phone with your hand or hiding it under your jacket does not help. I can still see the light and it is distracting. PUT IT AWAY!

The three seat rule. If you and I are at a movie and we have never met before, and said movie is not sold out, then you better be at least three seats away from me. There is absolutely no reason for you to sit right next to me. I do not like it when people are close to me. Get away from me.

Talking. I talk during movies. I admit it. But unless the movie is the worst movie I have ever seen (I’m talking about you Cold Creek Manor) my talking is limited, and it is a whisper. You shouldn’t be able to hear me unless you have violated the three seat rule. The entire theater does not need to hear your lame comments about the movie. We don’t care what you think. If we did, you would be a movie critic. You are obviously not, so shut up. I have also yelled at people for this in movie theaters.

Loud noises other than talking. I personally am not a great popcorn lover. I’m sure you think your popcorn is the best stuff in the world, but I don’t need to hear sounds from you that notify me of this fact. Keep your bag quiet. Keep your candy wrappers quiet. If you can’t eat without making munching noises, it’s time for you to see a specialist. Shhh.

Crying babies. Why is your baby at the movie? Take them home or outside the theater. The movie we are watching is confusing enough without your distraction.

Asking people to accommodate you. Our movie starts at 7:00. It is 7:05 now. The theater is not full; in fact, that row up front is pretty much empty. I will not slide down. If you wanted a good seat, then you should have shown that by showing up prior to the time the movie started. If I am in a giving mood and do decide to slide down, don’t you dare say something to me like, “You are awesome. Thanks so much.” You do not know me. I am not awesome. I am angry. Your false compliments are making me more so.

I guess the real problem here is I pay a lot to see movies and I see quite a few movies. I feel that my movie experience should be satisfactory, and I cannot remember the last time I went to the movies and wasn’t disturbed by someone’s phone or candy or baby crying. You all need to shut up or stay home and watch movies on DVD. It’s called social decorum people, learn it, and teach it to your children, or I’m a yell at you. I’m getting to where I am not above being a “tattle-tale”. I will go get someone to talk to you. Movie theaters should be more proactive at this stuff, anyway. They should check that people are quiet and not using their cell phones. No wonder ticket sales are going down. If you wait about four months you can watch a movie in your home for $1 and not have to deal with all the annoyances.

On a lighter note, 33 days until soccer season starts. We bought our season tickets today!